Columbus Day

     He wasn't the first, you know. Kind of like the travel section discovering the trendy new watering hole. He screwed it up for those of us already here. No. There is no valet parking. No. There's no drink special. Or Aztec gold. Or Fountain of Youth.
     Indies? Yeah, take a left at the second light.

     He wasn't so easily misdirected.

     We even tried the "I think I hear Ferdinand calling you" bit.

     Nope. Didn't work.

     He was on a MISSION. He had the funding. His sales pitch was strong. That the Earth was round was heady stuff to Isabella.

    Round, you say. Really? And she bought that? A variation on we have Trouble in River City. Well, good for you. If this doesn't work out you might consider a career in telemarketing.

     So he made several trips to the new world in search of land and riches. But the girls all got prettier at closing time-or someone did. Modern epidemiological evidence suggests his men took syphilis home with them, later resulting in the deaths of five million across Europe.

     Gives a new meaning to last call.