Oct 20, 2011

Authorities Investigate Reports Count Olaf is Impersonating Lemony Snicket

     Authorities are reacting to rumors that Count Olaf is impersonating children's author Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket. 
     "What other conclusion can be reached?" whisper parents.  Children are being indoctrinated to support Occupy Wall Street protests by videos released by Handler/Snicket.
     Count Olaf, the nefarious character, has been heard to say,"All that I ask is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind."

    Comments on Snicket's website fuel rumors: Written in Snicket’s trademark black comedic voice, the observations range from the instructive to the cheeky: “People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter — it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices,” he writes.
     "Sounds like Olaf to me," one child was heard to say, looking around nervously. 
     As kids continue to watch the Occupy Wall Street movement unfold around the world, Snicket isn’t the only one trying to teach them what anti-capitalism means reports warn, echoing the eerily similar statements made in the past by the count and his troupe who openly discussed his intentions to embezzle the Baudelaire children's inheritance.  Authorities worry Count Olaf has crafted a grand scheme to steal all children's inheritance.  Signs at protests support the confiscation of estates.
     Has Olaf has reassembled his gang of shady accomplices?  Sightings of freakish characters resembling Count Olaf's theater troupe, described as a motley crew which includes a man with hooks for hands, a bald man with a long nose, two women with white-powdered faces, and one who is so obese as to resemble neither man nor a woman, surface at protests
     Authorities warn parents and children to be on the lookout for Olaf and his accomplices, which will be difficult as Olaf and his ilk are masters of disguise, and have escaped capture thus far.  


  1. Ah yes...get them while they're young.

    Very funny Ms.Pendleton.

  2. BRILLIANT ! [ said in the sense of a Guinness ad ]

  3. I knew it had to be Olaf behind all of this social equality by force crap!!!